Muted Escapes
I've had not only this blog post in my drafts for years now but also had these huge paintings hiding away in my studio. I don't know whats been holding me back from sharing these with you all but here it goes... this is the story of how muted escapes became a saving project for my sanity.
Many of us came out of lockdown with a newly formed personality trait. This being said mine was anxiety. I've always viewed myself as a positive and strong minded person so this anxious new trait was not welcome!
I didn’t like that version of myself yet I couldn’t grasp the edges and get myself back on the track of success.
Once I sat back and allowed myself to acknowledge that no this wasn't going away easily or on its own I worked on it, I knew that it was a state of mind for me and that I had just got to comfortable being shut away from the world, in my own little safe bubble.
Work and art kept me going through all the lockdowns, I had a very busy Christmas period which didn’t seem to slow down! which I was unbelievably thankful for! But since everything started to open up again and we could step outside into the scary world, out of my safe warm bubble I thought to myself, there no better way then overcoming something then just throwing yourself in the deep end. I enrolled on life drawing course every Thursday nights for the soul reason of enjoyment. I hadn’t been back to school in 8 years! But I LOVED it, I loved the atmosphere I loved the routine every Thursday and I loved the person I was there. I felt all that hunger and want for learning and knowledge. I dropped all aniexty and bad feelings as soon as I walked into that studio, with the model baring all so confidently with a room full of others with no judgment. Just the art form of the human body, it made me bare all in my own emotions. I didn’t think, I didn’t sit, I didn’t mope.. I just got into the zone again. Graphite to paper eye to subject and the lines and curves started to appear on paper.
After years of owning my own art business and painting everyday I must admit I went in head held high knowing that I would have vast knowledge in paint and technique. Yet I learnt so much looking at colours in a different perspective and painting from life gives you such a sense of accomplishment, there’s no coming back to it tomorrow no faffing, when the model moves there’s no reference to go back to.
Term came to an end and that feeling of being anxious for absolutely no reason at all started to creep back in, I’d wake up feeling tight chested, panicked and would go to bed feeling exactly the same. I started even dreaming about being anxious. Dreams about trying to speak but no words coming out. Not that no one was listening but realising that I wasn’t listening to myself. Having my muted voice representing me acknowledging my anxiety but not listened to it. Understanding everything but still choosing to intentionally avoid listening to an aspect of myself.
So I needed a deep end again, a new territory. Something to push me out of that comfy warm place. Something to distract myself and build skill in art and the strength of my mind.
I’d done watercolour I'd done acrylic but I haven’t touched on oil colour since college. So engines on literally and mentally and of I went to the art shops for the full kit in oil paints.
Art has always been a great distraction and therapy for me and I wanted the feeling of peace and comft to come out into this collection.
After some research and practice I discovered that oil paint as a medium blended so beautifully, and was so workable for a long period of time so there was plenty of time to tweak and peacefully blend some more. Giving me that needed time to explore, practise and find where I was going with this new medium.
This new discovery fell in line with my brother travelling the coasts of Scotland.
As he travelled from one breath taking landscape to another he captured each moment. Although in each photograph I was drawn to the serine Skies. I felt the adventure and fresh air gusting over each capture. The tranquil and harmonious colours blending into one another. In sunsets, sunrises and storms, each one provoked an emotion in me. The expanse of air made me feel free. The sky being an escape, a vast space full of air and validation of existence. Nothing felt like it was overwhelming or closing in on me when In this boundless place.
The hunger was back. I could feel the inspiration rushing in and the moment had arrived, The new collection had found me in a time of need. Muted Escapes was born.
I set out to name each piece with an emotion, although I didn't want this to define it. So they are left unnamed. There isn’t a set in stone representation that I attended it to be. It’s a combination of emotion that I painted with at the time and the emotion I felt on my first glance of the finished piece. I want each piece to evoke its own emotion within the viewer. For the viewer to be captivated on first interaction, to be moved, understand the piece and take emotional response away with them. So please take a moment with each Muted escape. Let the colours take you In blending and leading into one another. Feel the blind emotion of the colours and softness, enjoy the feeling. Pausing hectic life for a moment and just being you and souly you.
Charlotte xx
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